5 Min.
We will lead you to a happy marriage? To find out, have formulated a leading relationship experts are 13 questions you should ask each Pair before the wedding.
Do you want to marry me? Probably no other question, the lives of two people on the head like this. And the question should be answered with ‘Yes’, gets down to the wedding machinery, too. With all the Planning, you lose the most important question, but mostly from the eyes, Will we be happy? Because whether you are leading a decades-long, happy marriage or belongs to the third, the divorce, is not a matter of how spectacular his own wedding celebration.
The “New York Times” speech a few years ago with several leading couple therapists and relationship experts about the secrets of a happy marriage. Their findings are 13 questions included, the couples before the wedding should – including the kids in planning how to deal with debt bypasses, if to the parents of the partner may suffer, and the importance of Sex for the relationship.
1. How is your family in case of dispute: will Throw you with applicants to discuss them calmly, or you just batten down the hatches?
How much our family, and education, to shape it, how we deal with conflict, says a couple of adviser Peter Pearson. Therefore, a closer look is worth it, as their own parents and siblings or Partners deal in disputes with each other, because for a relationship, it is a matter of survival, how to deal with differences. Are differences of opinion to be discussed on an equal footing, or begins to pout a party at an early stage and slams the doors? These findings can provide many clues to their own behaviour.
2. We will have children, and if so, you’ll have to change the diapers?
“If it’s a question of whether you want to have children or not, it is important not to just say what it wants to listen to the Partner”, says Debbie Martinez, who advises couples with marital problems and divorces. Before the wedding, the topic should be discussed honestly and in detail. You want children at all? If Yes, how many? To what is the life time, and how each of its role as a parent? It is defined in the run-up to this ask, there are then fewer nasty Surprises.
3. Help us with the experiences we have made with our Ex-partners, or hinder?
Talks about Ex-partners are always such a thing.
On the one hand, one is naturally curious and want to know more about the past life of the partner. On the other hand, the findings for frustrations or inferiority could be complex to worry about. The people are very hesitant when it comes to their own past, said Bradford Wilcox, Director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. One study showed that people who had many serious relationships, a higher divorce risk and statistically unlucky marriages lead.
There are a number of causes. So after a lot of relationships experienced when it comes to separations, in addition, there is a tendency to compare the current Partner with former liaisons – mostly to its detriment.
The best way out was a “profound, productive conversation”, in addition, one must accept that the Partner had a life before you.
4. How important Religion is to us? And how will we celebrate religious holidays?
If both partners have different religious backgrounds, they should be couples aware of whether and how each can live out his Faith. Much more relevant is the question of what Faith to raise the children. “It is helpful to have a Plan,” says a couple therapist Robert Scuka.
5. My debts are your debts? Would you help me out of trouble?
The point of contention is, of course, there’s money. Both partners should of course know about the financial Situation of the Others know, especially when there is debt. Couples should also be Clear about whether or not everyone wants to be economically independent, or whether there is a joint account. And if both incomes are extremely different, you should talk about this fact. In such a case, it could be useful, a kind of compensation for both pages, that would be a proportional income, recommends Scuka.
6. How much money would you maximum for a car, a Sofa, or shoes, to spend?
Pairs should be in financial matters largely in agreement. A financial security is important, the other speculated full of risk, it is inevitable that a dispute. A good indicator of whether you have a common vision, to be the purchase of a car, says divorce attorney, Frederick Hertz.
7. Can you live with it, if I’m doing things without you?
In a marriage you want to strengthen the relationship with the Partner, but at the same time remain independent. This can be a separate circle of friends or Hobbies that you do without a Partner.
This is good for yourself, you can encounter the Partner, but in front of the head, and lead to tensions, says relationship expert Seth Eisenberg. Also, the different expectations with regard to the privacy, you should clarify at an early stage.
8. Do you like my parents?
To lead in the long term, a good marriage, it is essential that you have a good relationship with the parents of your partner – or it occurs in case of any discrepancy, at least, consistent. A Partner, on the other hand takes the other’s problems are not serious, is the “bad a prerequisite for a healthy long-term relationship,” says Robert Scuka.
9. How important Sex is to us?
Sex is an integral part of a good marriage. Thus, in the bed, no slack or one (or both) is not unhappy, you should talk openly and honestly about sexual preferences and ideas. This applies to both the “If there are different things to be hoped for, you have to negotiate, so that at the end of both partners are satisfied.”
10. How far we can go when you Flirt with other people? And is it okay if I watch porn?
It is very important that both partners know what is allowed in the relationship and what is not, advises Ehetherapeut Marty Small.
Where the border is, you must decide every Pair of for. For one of the harmless pub flirt is already a taboo, for others, Sex with Strangers is not a Problem. Also on the consumption of pornography, you should speak to quell quarrels in the Bud.
11. You know all my ways, “I love you” to say?
That one loves the other, should be in a marriage. However, it doesn’t hurt to let the Partner know. On the way there is uncertainty, however, sometimes. Couple therapist Debbie Martinez also has a tip for you: you first distinguishes five categories of love expressions of the verbal confirmation, time spent together, gifts, favours or physical proximity.
Both should indicate in a questionnaire, what are the two ways you show love to your Partner, then you should tick, what well-being of the Partner chooses. This little Experiment can quickly premises misunderstandings of the world. Because, possibly, the Partner says more “I love you” than you think – just in a different way.
12.What do you like about me, and you know what makes me angry?
Especially at the beginning of a relationship, everything is rosy, the Partner acts as a soul mate. “It’s easy to click, done”, it is called frequently by couples, says Anne Klaeysen, which is a leadership position in the New York Society for Ethical Culture holds. But it’s not that simple, unfortunately, so the expert: “A marriage is not in the ideal case, a life-long promise, there’s a ‘click’ is sufficient.” One should therefore ask, how to react, when the Phase of admiration wears off at some point and how much one is willing to work on the relationship.
13. Where do you see us in ten years?
He won’t ride in the winter holidays, you can’t stand the new girlfriend of his brother: Even in the best marriages, couples zoffen once in a while about Everyday things. It is important that both of them have the long-term goal, says relationship expert Eisenberg.
Also read:
– Frequency, practices, orientation: the sex life of Germany’s 45 looks-Year-old
– This woman wore her engagement ring for over a year without noticing
Wedding after a heavy traffic accident: The story of a couple who gave up never.
– The strangest first Date ever: Both a wedding and gave crashed the wedding couple a Dollar