When a Marriage Proposal Is the Deal Breaker

When Geraldine Oluoha went out to dinner with her then-boyfriend just before her 21st birthday in August 2023, she had no idea the evening would become a life-altering moment.

“I felt so sick in my stomach,” said Ms. Oluoha, now 22, who recalled the moment her ex-boyfriend proposed publicly at a restaurant — flowers in hand, mood-setting music filling the air, and eager onlookers holding their breath, waiting for her to say yes. But Ms. Oluoha declined.

“I would always say, ‘I would hate to graduate with a ring on my finger,’” said Ms. Oluoha, who was finishing her undergraduate studies at Abia State University, where she was studying accounting. “I fear getting married young, because what if I turn 25 and realize this is exactly what I don’t want?”

Additionally, Ms. Oluoha believed that a person should explicitly consent to a public proposal before being caught by surprise.

While marriage proposals are a joyful milestone for many couples, for others, they can mark the beginning of the end. Whether it’s an engagement ring that stirs more anxiety than excitement, or a grand gesture used as a Band-Aid for unresolved issues, a rejected proposal can unravel a relationship — a moment only made worse when played out in viral TikToks and social media posts.

“People consider public proposals romantic, but this isn’t a question for the public; it’s a question for your partner,” said Dr. Drew Ramsey, a psychiatrist and the author of “Healing the Modern Brain: Nine Tenets to Build Mental Fitness and Revitalize Your Mind.” “Name another decision with such huge health, financial and psychological consequences. You want to hear an unbiased ‘yes,’ but an audience creates bias.”