Short funny wedding ceremony script

Short funny wedding ceremony script

Dear bride and groom, love, wedding, guest! For the full reading experience, the following rules must be strictly adhered to:

Select a suitable template for a wedding newspaper. Memorize it and choose it among the Layouts in our Designer (to the left in the toolbar). By Clicking on a template will overwrite the existing page now.

  1. The newspaper is read with the title page to the top.
  2. The newspaper, take the left Hand, and scroll right.
  3. Left-handers make it, of course, Vice versa.
  4. When you read, you should keep your eyes open.
  5. If you want to know what is on the next page, turn the page you just.

  6. The same is true for the following pages.
  7. Please don’t feel offended if one or the other should apply to you.
  8. Sub-let any Drilling in the nose, because you need to turn your Finger with the tongue wet.
  9. You should be able to the adventurous read I don’t see anything, then the light turns on but me.
  10. You should want the newspaper in bed reading, so let’s stop this from Your marital duties.
  1. Keep calm! Take a deep breath and put the newspaper completely relaxed in front of him. Also, if you don’t have a lot of Practice: don’t panic, you can do it!

  2. You are holding the newspaper with the title sheet to the front, and the eyes to read the best wide open.
  3. To learn what is on the next page, scroll around easily.
  4. The under 3. the method described allows you to apply from the first to the last page, so the entire wedding newspaper through!
  5. The newspaper is held with the left Hand while the right Hand will be turned. No fear, love left handed! Also, you can read the newspaper: Go to exactly the opposite under 4. before described.
  6. Individual newspaper should apply the content to you, then do not be offended: any Similarities to persons living or dead are specifically intended, and, of course, not a coincidence!

  7. You should be able to at the newspaper reading to a later hour, I don’t see anything, don’t fret, just turn on the light!
  8. You should come over when you read the newspaper any emotions, let them out, this quietly. Here are some examples: amusement: etc…
  9. If you use this wedding newspaper to use as bedtime reading: don’t Forget about her wifely duties!
  1. Each line is read from left to right, because you wanted to do it right-to-left: nies tkcurdeg murehsredna ice netssüm nnad.
  2. You can embellish with your help, fly, and similar evil monsters to kill.

  3. Should have the table with a short leg, even to remedy this state of emergency this paper is suitable.
  4. Those suffering from Obesity should avoid the use of the Bold.
  5. Anyone who has young children that leave you with this newspaper. You can cut out the white Spots with males of paint or the people in them and give them funny beards glue.
  6. All small children like to serve this newspaper as if a few inches shy of soup.
  7. If you want to know what is on the next page, turn the page you just.
  8. Sub-let any drilling in the nose, because you need to turn your Finger with the tongue wet.
  9. The flip is also worthwhile, we have come up with something New: On the sides, the same is not always there, no! On every page is something else. But that can’t be true, you will now call all… … but it is!


For the wedding ceremony, as it is the custom,
is part of a newspaper also.
And if ye then, after many years,
In the chair sits on gray hair,
you are told how it was
the day of The wedding 50 years ago.
Forgot your everything then
And painstakingly captures the Rumination.
This is to avoid, Yes,
For this newspaper since!
Here is all finely written
Perhaps a little over the top.
But fun is a must, if wasn’t for me,
Then, about the life doubly difficult.


Long have we been sitting
time and eat almost forgot,
a lot of sweat and simulated,
thought, and tried,
until the newspaper was finished.
Thank God, now it’s here!
Poets were not involved
and it was also a bit of a hurry,
if one of the newspaper not
as a work of art speaks.
So was the good will of
a strong presence in the silence.
Like the accompany
cheerful you in the following pages.
Is the joke, too, sometimes brittle
calls are not the same:
Thinks that they are made for fun!
and each time he laughs.


Two people had found each other,
fell in love with happy hours,
they went today to the altar
and were egg happy Couple.
The first day of full sunshine,
we wish and it should always be.
With love and with joy,
with love and with a cheerful mind,
that the everyday go there.
And would the Concerns and would be suffering,
you should be ready,
in faithful comradeship to wear it
, and never to despair.
Like the tree, the boy pushes his shoots,
so also in the case of you, in fact your love.
Like your desire and Trust will continue to meet,
we wish it today, as always in silence.


The press greets cheering couple and guests to the present day
, these printed special edition.
In some re-find’t,
if after all satisfied are
is questionable. Because the patient’s wish you
printing ink, and paper.
Poetry and truth are the Hand
and represents the freedom of the press in our country.
Drum the appeal of the editorial office:
glad to meet you – it’s worth it!
And always remember: it could have been much worse.

Other sample texts for the wedding newspaper are installed in our templates. The 8-sided design can be supplemented with Layouts or exchanged.

12 reasons to get Married

The First tuts to the money,
the Second to be a pretty face,
the third was persuaded
of the Fourth, because he’s eager.
The Fifth would like to rest set,
the Sixth is not alone,
of the Seventh to take delight,
the Eighth thinks It needs to be.
The Ninth tuts out of compassion for the shoots,
the Tenth only true love.
The Eleventh and the Twelfth are so stupid,
the know not why.


It has been shown that there is great interest in the question of why we have actually married. Now there are a number of reasons, which I as a husband briefly would like to:
1. I have now reached an age where you need a support.
2. It is probably the [Name of bride] so.
3. We wanted to be in the center.
4. You know that I’m a hell of a tough nut to crack, so bride’s Name] [number, for example, had to hammer [15] years for me until I finally said Yes.
5. We wanted to invite all our Relatives and friends to us for the occasion has been lacking.
6. Once again, we needed a couple of useful things for the household.
7. We wanted to make something what no-one expected more from us.
8. We did it just for the money and comfort. Finally, I can make without a request to go with [bride’s Name] car.
9. The exchange period has expired and it still works.
10. Because I does now no more need, when I have my children from the Kindergarten pick-up.
11. Because of the Treasury [bride’s Name] does not accept more than my budget help, and for the care of my children.
12. I married her because I’ve always had a thing for older women.
13. [Bride’s Name] to me, because you have more of the crisp young people did.
14. Because [Name of bride] can bake it well and cook.
15. She wanted me, because she is keen on the later widow’s pension.
16. [Bride’s Name] has always said: “the need to get out of the street before he does anything Stupid.”
17. Actually, I was offered to all of Europe – [bride’s Name] has made the best offer. And so she has to get hold of the Supplement.
18. Yes I have a lot of asking around, but [bride’s Name] was the Only one that said ‘YES’.
19. We were [number] years of looking, but none of us wanted to.
20. A crucial aspect was that my (and your) children yet not over the joint supervision complained have.
21. Because of the economy – we had to save a long time, until we were able to for you to host all neat.
22. If I [Name of bride] marry, I’m not destitute, automatically I’m the co-owner of a television, kitchen, furniture, car, etc. – you may crawl with in my sleeping bag.
23. [Number] years, I needed to find out, there is nothing Better than [Name of bride].
24. Maybe it’s the fact that we have after such a long time and is still loving and we just can’t imagine living only with each other.

Sample texts for a wedding newspaper ❤ templates to Install

Marriage contract

It is hereby noted that two people just as cheap to life
, like a:
Adam Paradiso & Eve’s Rib
are hereby authorized, to give it a try and find out!
In addition, you are authorized, subject to the following conditions Faithful
to life: The husband (afterwards called: the prisoners) committed to
his wife (afterwards called: the lady of the house) all salaries
and all of the card game and Lottery proceeds to assign his little
notebook with the names and phone numbers to burn, and all the
poor Relatives of the lady of the house, free room and Board to grant.
The lady of the house committed in the contrast:
1 warm meal in the month to cook,
the fine to report to, and pocket money for 1 beer a week to pay.
In addition, you is not no further obligations it deems necessary.
Eden, the 20.08.2021

____________________ ____________________
Witness Pastor

____________________ ____________________
Witness Registrar

No idea for a template for a wedding newspaper? With us, you will definitely find what …


Eva, the newly married bride wishes to have their honeymoon in the vicinity of Fürstenwalde to spend. Because you know that’s where the crowd is very large, the way she travels a few weeks before, to search for yourself and your Future a room that suits your taste. By the Dorfseppl headed, she finds a very nice two bed room, rent it and goes home. Arrived home, think you, to ask you to forget, if a toilet is available. She writes the Dorfseppl a letter and asks for information. In order not to droll Express, suggests in the letter-water on the toilet with The arms Dorfseppl break your head what He runs to the pastor, and after a long Back and Forth to answer that with a As a result, the Dorfseppl writes the following letter:
Dear Madam rib!
To recommend due to its healthy situation. It is recommended that one hour before the beginning there present, because of the crowd is very large. However, women rib can rest assured that there are about 60 seats are available. Weather permitting, the Outdoor event will take place. On Sundays, the visit, especially since the thing with organ accompaniment equip. We will allow you, Madam, to secure the best place, surrounded by fragrant pine trees. The acoustic has been specially designed by experts admired, because even the gentlest tone is heard in all corners and spread a multiple Echo. For visitors, which is too far away, we have provided cabs.

Drinking order

A person who remains sober, is the blame for this.
It may be poured so much alcohol in it, such as violence goes down.
For the ladies, it is prohibited to her Tits on the edge of the table for support.
Those who forget to drink to, to pay for his mine itself.
The bubbles are weak, it is prohibited to pee under the table.
It is better to have a big belly from Drinking as a hump from the Work.
The wedding guests are encouraged to reason; he who drinks constantly, also leads a regular life.
Who’s so drunk he can’t walk or stand, the must stop Drinking in and with the car ride home.


Thou shalt not give uninvited good advice!
Me out of this!
Never say: ‘we used to do this but…!
Thou shalt not take evil!
Give always and much.
Your grandchildren, Kara no way!
You should be in a good mood, when you meet us!
Just never pushy!
Was always there when I need you!
You’re supposed to be able at any time to dissolve in the air!


to be a woman. Because…
– we ship accidents is the First to be rescued.
– Men die earlier, and we, the life insurance cash.
– during a Massage, no erection.
– we are with 30 even all the hairs on the head.
– Men still believe that they need to pay our bills and we are Saved in a new dress investing.
– in women’s magazines better sample packs of glue.
– it’s cool, daddy’s little girl to – be Mama-sons are whiny sissies.
– Men:
– we get drunk on less money need – thus relieves the wallet.
– we can pretend that we were pregnant – and as always have a seat to get.

to be a man. Because…
– for a 5-day vacation one suitcase is sufficient.
– we are the jam jars yourself open.
– we no bag with unnecessary things lug around to.
– Men’s underwear 3-Pack for only 4 euros.
– we are below the head, does not shave his need.
– we have our name in the snow
– gray hair and wrinkles, our character strengths.
– man(n) is a telephone call in 10 seconds to deal with can.
– we with 3 Pairs of shoes will have to suffice.
– we don’t have to think constantly of cellulite.


130.000 marriages will end in divorce per year, which makes 260.000 experts. Do you know how to get a marriage break up. Here’s a list that also makes you an expert!

1. Sexuality:
Nothing is easier than to raise by means of sexuality in a marriage from the fishing. Simple recipe: Always’t want to, if the Partner wants, or Vice versa. More promising variants are: Sex, nothing; constantly want Sex go to sleep; Sex; never talk about Sex. And not to forget: The fling!

2. Attention:
You know your Partner long enough to know how much he is happy about small courtesies. Polite compliments, flowers, jewelry: Let these things from you away!

3. Argue:
Do not stop. Duration of the dispute is one of the best Ehekiller. If you think there’s really nothing more you can criticize your Partner, helps you make a good memory out of this fix. They were resentful!

4. Bad Habits:
In particularly stubborn cases, bad habits still offer a real Chance: Smoking in bed, neglect of personal care, beard stubble in the sink, open tubes of toothpaste and dirty dishes on the kitchen table are only a small selection.
If you want to be happy, then forget the above tips.


In the past year I have tried to 365 Times, to sleep with You – 12 Times I succeeded. For the remaining days that You have the following excuses:

1. We had Sex last week 10 x
2. It’s too late 24 x
3. It’s too hot 18 x
4. It’s too cold 35 x
5. I’m tired 15 x
6. It is still too early 21 x
7. You asleep 28 x
8. The window is open, the neighbors can hear us 8 x
9. I have back pain 16 x
10. I have a headache 34 x
11. I’m not in the mood 27 x
12. Tomorrow I have a big Laundry 20 x
13. Morning visitor 8 x
14. I have applied the night cream 32 x
15. I have not read my book yet 2 x
16. I have to pee 19 x
17. The bed squeaks too loud 7 x
18. I have to go with the dog 11 x
19. You need to be with the dog 13 x
20. There are guests in the next room 5 x
  Total: 353 x

 Your Husband

Response tocomplaints on the day of the wedding,
Typical of You to create a statistic! I can only say:

1. Have you had problems with potency 93 x
2. I was really tired, because I have the night before because of Your snoring is not a blind eye 57 x
3. You weren’t shaved and looked like a wild boar 47 x
4. You wanted to casually watch a sports broadcast 43 x
5. It was really too cold or too warm, because of the large 35 x
6. We had a fight, and You haven’t seen Your errors 28 x
7. You were too drunk 28 x
8. You had too much garlic eaten 22 x
  Total: 353 x

Your Wife


As useless as weeds, such as flies and mosquitoes,
annoying headaches and Pull in the back,
disturbing, such as a stomach ache and is always a tyrant,
is this half-man, his Name is man.
He stands in the way of rum to nothing to use,
is always Bitching and constantly on the Hiss.
He is on the earth, I say it without making a mockery of
by the Lord God, the greatest bad design.
A man would be without us women lost
he would be without any of us not even born!
Our assistance will be with a lot of Caution
so close to being a person from this creature made.
A man holds often irresistible
, and believes that a Smile from him makes us blessed.
Strutting around like a rooster on the dung
and noted not like such a dummy he is.
With the mouth they are strong, because you can brag,
but Woe to the dentist prepares times torment,
then all are – forgive the comparison,
like a basket full of fallen fruit, so lazy and so soft.
A man is quite useful, as long as he’s still single,
because he is often slim, and his body is athletic.
Because he is full of love and full of enthusiasm,
hardly is he married, nothing will be done.
With Gold and diamonds he did make You happy,
get it today the girlfriend behind the back.
And You’ll get today only, when he thinks about it,
for a birthday nen pressure cooker as a gift.
As a young man he wanted to constantly caress and kiss,
as a husband, he wants nothing more to know.
Are You asking Your right, then is he in common:
He gives Dirs Teeth and says:
And whistle, too, sometimes from the very last hole
in it, we agree – we love you.

I LOVE YOU in different languages

Language Translation
Afrikaans Ek het jou Delivery
Albanian Te dua
Arabic Ohibok
Aramaic Ono korohamnach
Ethiopian Afgreki
Basque Maite zaitut
Bengali Aami tomaake bhaalo baashi
Bosnian I te
Bulgarian Obicham te
Burmese Chit pa te
Chinese Wo ai ni
Danish Jeg elsker dig
English I love you
Esperanto Mi amas vin
Filipino Mahal ka ta
Finnish Minä rakastan sinua
French Je t’aime
Georgian Me’s mirq`var char
Greek S’ayapo
Hawaiian Aloha wau ia ‘oe
Dutch Ik hou van jou
Indian My tumse pyaar kartha hun
Irish (Gaelic) Taim ingra leat
Inuktitut Nagligivget
Icelandic EC elska thig
Italian Ti amo
Japanese Ai shite agony violently
Korean Dangsinul saranghee yo
Creole Mi aime jou
Croatian I te
Kurdish Ez te hezdikhem
Latin Te amo
Latvian Es tevi milu
Lebanese Bahibak
Moroccan Kanbhik
Macedonian Te ljubam
Maltese Jien inhobbok
Norwegian Jeg elsker deg
Persian To tora dust daram
Filipino Mahal kita
Polish Kocham Cie
Portuguese Eu te amo
Romanian Te iubesc
Russian Ya lyublyu tebya
Swedish Jag alskar dig
Serbian I te
Sinhala Mama oyata arderyi
Slovak Lubim ta
Slovenian Ljubim te
Spanish Te quiero
Swahili Nakupenda
Thai Khao Raak Thoe
Czech Miluji te
Tunisian Ha eh bak
Turkish Seni seviyorum
Ukrainian Ya tebe kokhayu
Hungarian Szeretlek
Vietnamese Toi yeu em
Zulu Ngiyakuthanda


. . . on cold days of each other, the legs warm.
. . . when you tease.
. . . the annoying habits of the other to be overlooked.
. . . the other also forgive, if he/she is late.
. . . if you then, and when once the flowers bring.
. . . if you often times have a cuddle.
. . . the Hobbies of others to support.
. . . him/her Breakfast in bed to bring.
. . . together to go shopping.
. . . to cook on the weekend for you.

Other sample texts for a wedding newspaper


Lose weight in a pleasant way

So many calories to lose you…
kiss……………………………………………………… 1 kcal
Warm embrace………………………………………………….. 3 kcal
Passionate kiss ……………………………………………. 5 kcal
Wild make-out session………………………………………………….115 kcal
Intense Petting……………………………………………….100 kcal
foreplay with heart palpitations…………………………………………..50 kcal
Sigh and Giggle………………………………………………… 7 kcal
Passionate lovemaking until the ground shakes,
the bells are ringing and the sparks fly………………300 kcal
Double Rittberger………………………………………………180 kcal
‘s throw from the closet to the bed…………………………………….40 kcal
move on the unused side of the bed………………………… 14 kcal
cigarette afterwards…………………………………………………….. 3 kcal
Satisfied thanks to grunt…………………………………….. 1 kcal

THE RIGHT DIET to this Celebration

The potato salad with Mayonnaise, Pudding, with lots of cream, the roast pork with the fat crust – for a Celebration a few extra pounds to stay stuck. To starvation, or at least F. d. are all the rage cent. But there are other possibilities: We have gathered a few diets from all over the world, where your playing, Your old weight again and, if you want Your weight to 30 years ago.

The Eskimo diet: you may eat as often and as much as you want. Preparation: in A large Portion of ice with water, stir, bring to a quick boil and serve lukewarm and enjoy.
The Indian diet: a Person of your trust to the heating fetters, as you take it out of the scenes at the stake knows. The heat melts away the fat.
Motorists diet: it starts with all of the vehicle key in a slot of the urban drainage system to be thrown. And in the future be moved, instead of the cars on the feet.
The Chinese diet: Served may be, what is, and as much as you want. However, the right Hand needs to be tied behind my back and as Cutlery, there is only chopsticks.
Good Appetite !!!

DICTIONARY husband-wife

If the husband says:
“I have a lot to do!”, then it means: “I’ll go with the guys in the pub.”
“I’ll go with the guys in the pub !”, that is to say: “I’m meeting with another woman.”
“I’ve had a hard day”, it means “Leave me the fuck alone.”
“I eat your Sauerbraten always like” that means: “Can you actually cook?”
“Your leggings are very comfortable,” is in the Translation: “you Can’t change what Erotic wear?”
“Lipstick only disturbs the Kiss…”, it means: “How about a bit of Makeup?”
“I’ll drive the car on the way here, are you going back?” it means: “I’m at the Party drunk,”he said.
“With the woman to stealing horses”, it means “With the help of which you can not go to the dance.”
“You remind me of my mother,” this means: “I’d like to have a bit more Sex.
“You’re a patent guy”, it means: “I am glad that you give me everyday stuff from the neck to hold it in.”
“Yes, Yes, I love you”, the sentence continues: “… and now let me alone!”

When the wife says:
“You have to at Breakfast always read the newspaper?” means: “Why don’t you speak with me?”
“The toothpaste is already open” , it means: “Your sloppiness gets on my nerves.”
“You’re now in the best years” , it means: “The paint is starting!”
“You’re a good-natured guy,” the calm “snoring nose” to be translated.
“I have nothing to wear” , it means the rule is not that the closet is empty,
but that she has no desire to go. It can also mean that the next shopping trip will be a bit more expensive.
“I’m tired”, it means “I have no desire for Sex.”
“I have a headache” , it means “I want Sex but not with you!”
“You must always be in front of the ‘telly’ sit?” it means: “Never will you take care of me!”
“Let us go to bed early” , it means: “I want to seduce you.”

Inspiration for more sample texts for a wedding newspaper


Man – German
Man: – English: I can’t tell You, because You anyway just to rap.“
Man: – English:
Man: – English: Just leave me alone!“
Man: The eat I always like.“ – English:
Man: They really look very comfortable.“ – English:
Man: – English: I’m at the Party really full to run.“

A Woman – English
Woman: – English:
Woman: – English:
Woman: – English:
Woman: – English:
Woman: I have such a headache!“ – English:
Woman: – English:


1. Turn off the engine
2. Get out, go to the Bank
3. Card insert
4. Enter the Code
5. Card and money to take
6. In the car

1. Arrive
2. Make-up in the rear view mirror control
3. Engine off key in the purse
4. Go to the Bank
5. The card in the handbag are looking for
6. Card insert
7. In the purse for the pack on the Code listed is
8. Enter the Code
10. Code to enter the correct number
11. Account balance check
12. Note in the purse are looking for
13. Pen in your handbag look
14. Account status on the post-it note
15. Full amount of money to withdraw
16. Go out to the car, get in,
17. Make-up control
18. Key
19. Start the engine
20. Make-up control
21. Off
22. Pause
23. Reverse
24. Get off
25. Card from the machine to take
26. Get
27. Make-up control
28. Ride
29. Five miles to
30. Release the hand brake


1. If you talking for hours with your friend on the phone, even though they meet in half an hour.
2. Why go to the pub always to the bathroom in pairs.
3. Why you studied on packaging of the content and the calorie information as if it were Holy Scripture.
4. That is your wardrobe is full and she whines nonetheless, you don’t have to Wear.
5. Why you on some days, for no reason that your hair would not sit.
6. Why are you upset about the fact that men pee on the toilet a little bit of the mark.
7. Why you can not wash the face and body with the same bar of soap.
8. You ordered a salad with minimal Dressing and then the fries from his plate, nibbling on.
9. You want to kiss and cuddle and not have Sex thinks.
10. Why do you believe in your horoscope only if it is positive.


In a dispute between computer users, it was tried to clarify whether the Computer is

The women voted for because
You have him turn to his attention.
He has Knowledge of each lot, but it’s still haphazard.
He should be a help, to solve problems, half of the time but he is himself the Problem.
As soon as you lay a course, there is very quickly a little Better.

The men voted for the following reasons for the
Not even the Creator understands their internal logic.
The language you use to communicate with each other, for no one else to understand.
Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later use.
Once you have one, it goes almost all the money for accessories.

THE ABCs of pet names, depending on the mood

Best Mood Bad Mood
Eye Vulture
Bear Aphid
Cheri Clown
Darling Stupid bird
Angel Donkey
Fluffy Creep
Piece of gold Big mouth
Herzilein Rabbit’s foot
Hedgehog Idiot
Jewel Chen Crybaby
Footstool Camel
Favorite Leisepupser
Fly on the wall Bitch
Nose bear Neanderthal
Orchid Orang-Utan
Purzel Pummel
Curd tartlets Tormentor
Rose Legal commander-in-chief
Schatzi Snake
Teddy Bactrian
Urmelchen Vermin
Venus Bird
Clouds Pussy
X-mas Angel Xanthippe
Yo-Yo Yuppie
Cinnamon snail Coot


Editorial: Name
Editor-in-chief: embarrassed
Editor for gossip: just laugh today
Editor for a partnership test: a dispute with his wife
Photo editor: the naked photos of the bride-to-be to hang over his bed
Responsible for advertising: the money ran out
Layout and design: buys a new pair of glasses
Publisher: who the newspaper moved, his neighbors, the newspaper inconspicuously steal
Pressure: is the force multiplied by the area
Environmental note: wrap in no case by the wedding of leftover pieces of cake, a
Dates of publication: at least 25 years
Responsibility: we do not accept any


Edition: special book
edition: limited to the editorial office
design: extremely messy and very difficult to
font substitution: tedious
presentation: Who are these newspaper open, should you read
to be responsible: to blame at all, the wedding couple
pictures service from anywhere
– the exercise from now on, the wife of (Name) from
complaints to: paper basket road 666


Printing: is on the wedding guests, none exercised, except that this newspaper to read
Appears: on all days with the exception of the days, not on the 22.05.1998 (wedding date) are
responsibility: the editorial Board disclaims any responsibility for Truck & Schreibfeler from
edition: one after the other,
the price we have for this newspaper still not get
Laid: is this newspaper always, if you can not find
and will, hopefully, no one
use: in case of emergency, to read
content: present
claims are not taken seriously


On the festive table at a wedding dinner
, let us, the parents do not forget to
like you for you as the kids
so do it today, do it tomorrow.
Yes, looking at you with only of your love “Old”
in their care rests the happiness.
Have you caring for you,
grief, Misery and suffering back.
Don’t forget that on anxious days,
loyal to caring for a mother wakes up,
because you can say anything,
what your heart grieve.
So we wish from the heart,
” dear parents, stay healthy”
Bask in Your children’s happiness,
think of our own happiness back.
And at the end we call yet:
“The wedding of the parents live.”


Do you know this? You come home from work, the pub or the football after home and before the apartment door behind him closed, breaks a rule of law, the allegations of Thunderstorms over you: “Where were You? Why didn’t You call? Why the garbage is still not out?” Now, it is important to react quickly and in a good, credible to have the answer! Just one wrong word, and the night – or in the worst case, the whole weekend is gone.
In our Men’s advisors, we have good for such cases, a collection of super and especially not to resist the excuses put together. Learn the list as quickly as possible by heart and they need to fear in front of a female storm of allegations and unpleasant questions!

I can’t today, rinse, because …
… I’m a terrible Form of water Allergy suffer.
… I was terrified of running water, and in front of larger water retention have.
… I can’t find the cloth easily.

I can’t take the trash out, because …
… it dark.
… me and the neighbor to see.
… I don’t know where the dumpster is.

I didn’t call you because …
… the battery of my phone is empty.
… I have no cell phone could find.
… I thought, you’re home

I forgot our anniversary, because …
… the time you fly.
… I wanted to test, whether you think of it.
… I was in 1000 flower shops, but nowhere your favorite flowers could get.

Wedding anniversaries

after 1 year: Cotton wedding
after 3 years: Leather wedding
after 5 years-a Wooden wedding
to 61/4 years: Tin wedding
after 7 years: Copper wedding
after 8 years: Tinny wedding
after 10 years: a rose wedding
to 121/2 years: Nickel wedding
after 15 years: crystal wedding
after 20 years: porcelain wedding
after 25 years Silver wedding anniversary
30 years pearl wedding
after 35 years: canvas wedding
after 37 1/2 years: aluminum wedding
after 40 years: Ruby wedding
after 45 years: platinum wedding
after 50 years: the Golden wedding
, 60 years on: diamond wedding
after 65 years Iron wedding
to 67 1/2 years: Stone wedding
after 70 years: the grace wedding
after 75 years: the crown Jewels of wedding


A life sentence for [Name of groom]
to[Name of city] – After about 5 years of detention was against the “bachelor in a state of” the [Name of groom] led to civil process came to an abrupt end.

[Name of groom] was sentenced today in [Name of city] to life imprisonment custody.
The [bride’s Name] managed to do it in front of numerous witnesses, to move the [Name of groom] a confession to nail him officially for life. Today the verdict was announced. An escape was created to prevent that [groom’s Name] immediately after the verdict of the Ring. The house voted in favor of the judgment, and some shed of relief, even tears of joy. Numerous onlookers and photographers were led to the present as the father of the [Name of bride], with the condemned on the Arm of the guard also.
Not to mention, it should be that of the sister of [bride’s Name], a certain degree of contributory negligence was not awarded, as it prevents the action of the [Name of groom], but still supported. A request for early release from prison is not recognized in advance.

The judgment enters into force on [wedding day] in force.

gez. Judge [Name of bride’s mother]
family court of [Name of city]


Bra A device that promises more than it holds.
Marriage The attempt to become the second-at least half as happy as you have been alone.
A marriage counselor An expert, the married couples to mediate ask for help and you act as soon as he tried it.
Wife The tax you pay for the luxury, to have children.
Marriage vows A good intention.
Better half The other is always Better.
Year Marks the anniversary each year. Even if he doesn’t even have thought about it again.
Marriage yoke Stress, on the basis of the modern phenomenon of the so-called equality of woman and man is perceived.
Domestic In the majority of cases: Much ADO about nothing.
Husband A man who understands every word that his wife said.
Wedding ring A valor distinction, worn on the Finger.
Flirt In the arms without falling in the hands.
Wedding day The day between
Virginity Something very precious to lose all the girls.
Stroller The fun from last year’s on wheels
Compliment Flattering Expression, among spouses rather unusual
Kiss The best way to prevent the other to Speak.
Love Of all diseases, yet the healthiest.
Favorite A term of endearment, which excludes confusion.
Men Perhaps the most beautiful thing in the world.
Optimist A bachelor, marries, and believes that his cleaning lady dismissed.
Pessimist A married Optimist.
Petting Tact
Platonic Love Vegetarian Sex
Loyalty Lack of opportunity
Divorce About what is the meaning of a marriage, a divorce, the parties Involved often the spirits.
Sex The most fun you can have without laughing in the process.
Bombshell A woman gets in the shower, no wet feet.
Sex education Of those new-fangled teaching, in which teachers learn, what did the students for a long time.
Tolerance The virtue of the man who has no strength of Conviction..
Virtues The burden of the majority.
Father A man who has done something, the Hand and foot.
Ratio Two people who are married but not to each other
Marry again The Triumph of hope over experience.

The marriage-abc

Amore – Is to blame for everything
Baby – Will sooner or later adjust the
character Should each spouse
lady – favorite role, the bride
marriage – Erare humanum est
freedom – it is now past the
money – Power is not necessarily happy, but it’s calmed down!
Home – want a husband and a sweet
island – a Romantic stay for honeymooners
Whining Needs with you hopefully none of
Kissing – favorite pastime of the bride and groom
love – May you always connect the
Mut – Needs of the husband, if he’s late at night come home
night Is not just for Sleeping
Oha – If instead of a, two scions arrive
Cheers – long live the bride and groom
– source – large-earn for the whole family
roses – That everyone should be embedded to be
armed – you Should never have
Loyalty and Will hopefully not be difficult for
a Subject – Was the wife of the man – or Vice versa
Father, this is not difficult, be very
nappies/ Wash – in addition to the occupation of husband,
Xanthippe, Should not to be a wife and
Yogurt diet to lush wedding reception
in time Should always enough for each other, was available for

THE marriage law (EGes)

Section 1 – This act shall take effect with the Yes-word into force.
§ 2 – The husband is the date of the marriage is the Happiest of his art.
§ 3 – The man has his own opinion – the wife is RIGHT and manages the marital assets.
§ 4 – if the woman is not right, enters automatic 3-in force.
§ 5 – The couple consists of two halves, the woman is, the better.
§ 6 – The man earns the money, the woman gives it.
§ 7 – The husband has his income, make it home on time to deliver and his bag of money with childlike joy to receive.
§ 8 – The woman is under the hood, the man whipped.
§ 9 – If the husband, in Spite of suffering, or other Bucky pages, is to him the house key to escape, and the slipper battle ready to show.
§ 10 – The husband is permitted, every night to stay at home.
§ 11 – when will the man go, the man, when he come home to, definitely a woman.
§ 12 – The woman has to open her mouth, the man has to hold him.
§ 13 – opinions may be issued only by the woman from the man intended.
§ 14 – The man gives never-to-be that they are also right, otherwise he is the same below.
§ 15 conversations are loud and clear to be led. The neighbor has certainly also be interested in marital disputes.
§ 16 – words only purpose in the first few weeks. Later, are harder arguments, such as plates, cups and pans to recommend.
§ 17 employees of the man in the household is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. Clear commands to the wife to replace this effort.
§ 18 – gardening is a community thing; the layout is the woman, the implementation of the man.
§ 19 – The man has to eat, what comes to the table and always a friendly face to make.
§ 20 – The husband is allowed to have his wife from time to time, something dear to you. But never say: “You can like me have”.
§ 21 – The community seal of the kiss.

In summary, we can say: A harmonious marriage is ensured, if the man is healthy, and the woman work.


§ 1 – The Feast begins at the beginning and stop when the maximum number of participants is less than a fallen.
§ 2 – Each guest personally, with washed face and a good mood to appear.
§ 3 – Everyone has to be calm and level-headed take his place. Push and Shove is prohibited. If you don’t have space, sits under the table.
§ 4 – The guests are obligated not to eat and drink, as violence inside the stopper can.
§ 5 – Who the limits of its ability to absorb came slowly under the table to slide.
§ 6 – No one from the greed of his neighbor, the glass is empty drink, because it is neither collected, nor the consumption of Drinks with a dash-list.
§ 7 – It is strictly forbidden, something evil to take or go unnoticed to disappear.
§ 8 – to sing along To all songs even those who are committed, who have no voice. People in the breaking of the voice to form a choir of his own.
§ 9 – All occurring fires immediately delete it.
§ 10 – cat and monkey are, without exception, taken from their keepers home.
§1 – admittance is only granted to the persons, at least three days fasting and thirst as a small Pony to bring their own.
§2 – strife, dispute, dark mines,
§3 – gifts are to be immediately handed over at the entrance. Gifts of money may only be used in discreet packaging, presents will be.
§4 – The clothing has to be at least until after the feast organized. Jackets and vests are not allowed in front of the dessert are stored; belt and ties are in front of the meal to loosen.
§5 – Also bekleckerte dresses (silk blouses and velvet skirts, etc.) must not be filed.
§6 – Offensive jokes are allowed only after the first wine brand to be told – and then only if there are no children or ladies in the vicinity.
§7 – Who is the
§8 – Talk may not be longer than three minutes, and with a decent Beat to a glass filled announced.
§9 – Dancing is a must! The only exceptions are for people over 90 years, can present a written excuse from their parents.
Section 10 – those Who leave the Party sober again, it is noted that he can expect in the future, with no invitation and more.
or or
If it rains, the Ceremony if the weather is bad.
The Celebration begins with the beginning, and concludes with the end. Someone comes too late, he missed the beginning.
Each individual has such great numbers as possible. The entrance to the premises is only permitted through the door.
Each Person may only take a chair in the claim, the couple’s two.
With the Look may be gently thrown.
Drinks and food are enjoyed in a direction.
Everyone eats on his own clothes. At the panel, take it without regard to its neighbors only the Best. But no one should eat more than he can take, with all the violence to himself.
Who takes Evil, or will be, you must immediately leave the room.
When you Read the newspaper factual throw-ins are prohibited, such as beer or wine glasses.
All those present may take your watch, as for the Calculations, only the rising sun is decisive.
Everyone has to sing along to the songs, even if he has no voice.
Not all of what the groom is doing, and will do, is valid also for the guests.
The married men are not asked to hear as little as possible on the orders of their Sergeant, the young husband to see what will happen in the future.
Who is drinking too much, the case beforehand under the table, so that no attention is aroused.
To protect the floor, it’s explicitly permitted to dancing on a stranger’s shoes.
The bride and groom do not give, especially that it is too early out of the dust.
If you feel offended, you can go home.
The publication serves as a memento of the Feast, and not to Wrap the food.
Who does not submit to this festival of procedure, shall be punished with social work in the household of the bride and groom.
The Festival begins with his initial.
Each participant in such great numbers as possible.
Everyone who comes to late, repent immediately, and to appear earlier.
It may not speak more than all, because, otherwise, a ghastly Canon arises.
For a better understanding is to speak with a full mouth.
Smoking at the table is only allowed to warm food.
To the bowl, take the best pieces, before it can catch his neighbor.
Who wants to stay with the couple in an eternal reminder, at least to take 2 cases of beer, l cake and the most valuable gift.
Every guest can only claim a chair, the bride and groom, however, has claim to two.
If the groom’s talking about, have silenced all the others, because he has to say tomorrow, anyway, nothing more.
Stänkereien are above and below the table is prohibited.
To specks with the Finger in the beer of the neighbors is prohibited.
To stay under the tables is not allowed before 22 o’clock.
Someone should detect the Shaking of the walls that he can’t tolerate the drink, he has to disappear without a stir to attract under the table.
The acquired monkeys in the morning to give as a cat.
Taking the wrong legs under the table is prohibited.
It should be a great binge, however, is allowed to run with an upright gait, no drink from the mouth.
Be the first to go home, has to wait to the Last. Everyone has to stay that way for a long time, until the second-to-last is gone.
Everyone is obliged to sing along, even those who have no voice.
The Damage to young trees on the way home, is prohibited.
The Festival will listen to when no longer there, but not later than _ (day of the Silver wedding) continued.
Paragraphs come into force immediately.
The distribution of seats
, All the participants sit in the queue and in such a way that one next to the other sitting.
As a seat only-chairs are to be used. Chairs are to be kept warm as possible, so that any change of position, none of a cold. To hot chairs to cool down, it could burn anyone else in the mouth.

Polilzei regulation of the festive days

Who wants to join our wedding, must be present.
The wedding begins with the Issue of gifts. After that, who wants to go again.
Everyone has let on an empty stomach peacefully and unarmed in its place.
The use of the chandelier as a rocking, as well as the use of carpets as a ring mats is not started.
Ironic allusions to the life of the Lord groom to young to be considered a journeyman’s time as a malicious slander and imprisonment are not punishable under the age of six weeks.
The free flight of whipped cream, herringbone, fireworks, peach, and Cherry stones, as well as from sparkling wine cork, shards of glass, cigar, and cigarette ash is only permissible insofar as neither persons nor of rooms can take damage.
Anyone who speaks more than three languages at the same time, has to bring along an interpreter.
The dance band looking to heat things up with additional alcoholic and non-scheduled gratuities, is only allowed from six o’clock in the morning.
Spontaneously breaking up engagements, serious insults, secretly exchanged kisses, blood revenge, vows and other similar incidents are not to be chatting in the interest of the festive mood before the departure of the bride and groom out.
If the company has shrunk to less than a Person, is Fixed as completed.

More rules for a happy life together

1. Both of you are never at the same time mad.
2. Crying out to you never, except when the house is in flames.
3. If someone has to have the last word, let it have the other.
4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Stirring any old thing.
6. Neglected, rather the Rest of the world as yourself.
7. Never goes to bed before all the problems are eliminated.
8. Something Nice at least once a day to Your Partner.
9. If you have made a mistake, admit it and ask forgiveness.
10. It is not just about marrying the right Person, but also about being the right Partner.


Catharina Elisabeth Goethe (1731-1808)

Take twelve months,
clean it completely clean of bitterness,
covetousness, pedantry and scared
and cutting each month is 30 or 31 parts,
so that the stock carefully for a year.
It is a hypothetical model
of a part of the work, and two Parts of cheerfulness and humour.
You add three heaping tablespoons of optimism, add
a teaspoon of tolerance, a grain of irony and a pinch of stroke.
Then the mass is poured very abundant with love.
The finished dish to decorate with clusters of small courtesies and serve it on a daily basis with joy and with a good, invigorating Cup of tea.


The Lord is in the house, as you understand it, is probably wearing the pants.
But it is to say today is hard, since both wear now pants.
In order for a marriage to get to them in a harmonious design,
I’ll give the wife the good Council, with caution, Be a Diplomat.

As we have often seen, and it’s 1000 times already happened,
the marriage fail, where the law deprives the man.
You woman are created to make a house a home.
And you’re smart, you know`to captivate s then List your man.

You woman want you, the man joining him with your charm defeat;
the tenderness of your profit, it acts on him, such as medicine.
It can only be to the benefit of, inspires you to give him this drug.
You are very wise woman, and then with Caution, give to the Barometer eight.

It shows a Storm, get quickly out of the way you.
Take proportion to his action, and never leave the question of
how the working day is spent, and that you often thinking of him.

You want him to change a bribe, never let him feel his weaknesses.
Let him recognize by a List, that he is the Lord in the house.
Never be anxious in the be able to force the man in the knee.
One thing you don’t want all the world, a man then as a henpecked.

Now man let the woman to her right, as they belong to the weaker sex.
you let including but not suffer, and you will avoid some of the hassle.
And tell her often that you love her, your life would probably also give.
Jealousy thou shalt spare, but will reward you.

Avoid any annoyance, live with the woman on the right foot.
And that keeps it on for the duration, increase your household money.
Never say that wrinkled her face, Yes, something you don’t forgive.
Your wife is older then, faithful to stay with her as a husband.

She also was a nurse and a chef, in case you forget it,
helps you to some of the burden to carry; the girls for Everything, so to speak.
Now, the recipe will prove, in the case of the one who used it in honor,
since marital happiness and Unity – always based on reciprocity!!!


Marriage-pan (only for 2 persons, otherwise indigestible and hard in the stomach, lying)
2 hearts 2 souls
700g trust
500g understanding
250g Humor
1000g love
5 heaping tablespoons of tenderness
1 to 6 shot Sex
The heart thoroughly clean, the souls of skins. Both in confidence and with a mixture of tolerance and tenderness of bread.
Then, together with the other ingredients, sauté it on low flame to keep warm.
Before Serving with a good shot Sex flambé and tenderness pour over.
The court wins by the addition of common Hobbies and habits according to choice of taste.
To intense Taste or possible collapse due to frequent “in the pot watch”, to avoid as much as possible.

FOOD label for the first Honeymoon

Monday: Heavenly Transfiguration soup, stew with tendon is looking dumplings
Tuesday: Hot vow fry, love apples, and Rotlippen salad
Wednesday: Rest pastries and light meals
Thursday: Salted Ehesuppe, easier to dispute casserole with reconciliation sauce
Friday: Heated heart with a warm handshake and kissing potatoes
Saturday: Warm Verlangenmus with devotion sauce
Sunday: will of the week sapped!


Ingredients: 1 heart, and 1 tube, 500 g of trust, 250 g tolerance, 125 g of Humor, 3 heaped
tablespoons of Esprit.
Preparation: the heart and soul are always in trust turned with the remaining ingredients in a small flame is brought to the Boil and then on low flame kept warm. From time to time, flambé with a tablespoon of Sex. The court wins by the addition of common Hobbies. Prevent in any case, the Quenching due to frequent


Excerpt from the Federal law Gazette for Germany, issued on 19. June 1998 Part 1. III. regulation
On the basis of § 32 Abs. 4 of the endangered species act BGBI No. 584/1973, in the version of Federal law BGBL Nr. 430/1985 is to be prescribed in consultation with the Federal Minister for women’s Affairs and consumer protection:

Article 1
General Provisions

To keep a man is not nearly as easily as grandmother’s time, and the question arises whether the attitude of a man’s worth at all.
It should meet at least two of the following conditions.

§ 1 Basic Properties
Abs 1.: It should be useful to do this (craft skills, diligent in the home and in bed well).
Abs 2.: He’s supposed to be herzeigbar (i.e., its appearance should excite no pity).
Abs 3.: The above points can be ignored if § 2 applies.
§ 2 It is rich!
§ 3 acquisition

Before you can proceed with the selection of your male carefully and let you convince enough time of his actual abilities. You, the male is always to show its best side, but then often in his old role behavior falls back concerns. Often hidden and obvious defects reveal themselves until later.
In the recent time the number of rises, males put rapide. Many copies of roaming around disoriented, or seek refuge in other women. The Existence of the prerequisites pursuant to art. § 3 should therefore be carefully considered.
Recommended the purchase of an already-trained man is (see also § 5). So, for example, on the Second-Hand to find the market often useful pieces. They usually have an excellent education and a frugal lifestyle. But beware of repeatedly used copies. Because of the many foster homes, they tend to be intermittent loss of memory and you can remember neither your home nor your wife.
§ 4 nutrition
The man is an omnivore. Deficiency symptoms prevent you should put in front of Him next to the canned food and fresh vegetables or salad. Alcohol should not be generally prohibited, as it procured him otherwise, together with other members of their species elsewhere. For sweets, the Same is true in the main. Beware of Overfeeding. Keep in mind that a fat man quickly becomes immobile and in bed and in the household is no longer so powerful.
Section 5 Of The Welfare
As for the accommodation, so the man is relatively undemanding. In General, a bed and a TV are not enough. In the presence of a computer may be on the TV omitted. You do not need to lock Him up all day, otherwise it is depressed, the food is denied, and soon arrives. For General mobility and a regular supply of oxygen has proven to be the garden work perfectly. In addition, you should run it once a day, so that he has something to spout. Remember, to let him on a long leash.
Section 6 maintenance
Make sure that he washes once a day. To prevent injury, the nails should be cut regularly tracked. An occasional hair cut is also recommended. Replace worn regularly with new.
§ 7 men’s diseases
To Exaggerate the man, in General, tends to. A predisposition to the hypochondriac is quasi-hereditary. In the case of cold light bed rest is completely sufficient. Sincere Regret of the Patients can affect the healing process in a positive. Should actually be a serious disease, it is recommended that a physician be consulted. Some males tend to have excessive hair loss. This does not affect performance, and is therefore harmless.
§ 8 training
The men are quickly tame, if you treat them right. Follow the main rules on how to ” walk, space, Kush, and get’s” mastering the most with regular Training and a reward of sweets or a few pats after a few days. In training it is to incorporate essential for the mother-in-law and a clear set of rules for the education to draw up.
§ 9 reproduction
Men are throughout the year, in opposite directions, and behave accordingly. In this context, it expressed the desire to have children is to be treated with caution, as it is often used only as a means to an end. Rent with Relatives or well-Known a couple of kids. So you can test his skills as a father.

The Federal law Gazette

Part I GS720 / 2021
On the [output to [PLACE]…]; no. 13

The law on the gift selection and use for the wedding celebration of […] and […]
publication of the law on the gift selection and use for the wedding celebration of […] and […]
(a wedding gift selection law – HzGawG)

§ 1 The greatest gift which is for the wedding or the day before to bring, is the personal presence of the Invited, including a good mood.
§ 2 The couple that has everything. Material goods are to be replaced by financial means. With the latter, is the bride, or the bride-to-be wants to overwhelm.
§ 3 § 2 does not correspond to the truth, so section 4 shall apply.
§ 4, The groom, or of so doing, as if he wants to be, are inconspicuous a few dollars in the pocket to stick to the purpose of use in accordance with section 5 of the supply are.
§ 5 during The event raised financial resources are reinvested in the Board for the present and for the optimum entertainment to be provided.
§ 6 Should the case arise that financial resources, even after the conclusion of the Celebration to
be available, so these are for the purchase of useful goods for the completion of the budget of the bride and groom serve (although according to § 2 already complete) to use. Furthermore, bride and groom commit enough alcohol in the budget, to provide, to stay at a more appropriate opportunity to the Welfare of the donor verse.
Section 7 of The act comes into force on the day on which you seriously thinking about a gift for the wedding.

[Place], […]

gez. Brandy
Reg. Top boozer

Part II GS720 / 2021
Output to [place], on […]; no. 13 of the
regulation on participation in the wedding ceremony on […] at/ in [city/ STATE]
publication of the regulation on participation in the wedding ceremony on […] at/ in [city/ STATE]
(wedding party participation-regulation – Hzt-VO)

§ 1 Everyone has to complete to appear. Unvollzählige people go out and collect.
§ 2 All present report, immediately upon the master of ceremonies (Name), what’s this on the Well-being of the Deserteurs a SIP from the bottle and eating output regulates.
§ 3 Who comes in late, you must immediately repent, and be on time.
§ 4 For individuals who can give useful information to the seizure of the depicted individuals, participation in the said Celebration is free of charge.
[Image] – [image of him]
section 5 of the table talk with Jubilation to join, regardless of the spiritual significance of such
Articulation flushes.
§ 6 someone people is unknown, is to immediately start the welcome ceremony. On the good of the Bridal couple, the glasses are immediately empty. Bruises, rib fractures and chest contusions are getting Closer to avoid.
§ 7 complaints are quietly muttering of the castle wall to present.
§ 8 The resolution of the Celebration is expressed through a collaborative drop.

[PLACE], […]

The Federal Minister for celebrations and coziness


My idea with the beginning of 20:
1. Looks good.
2. Charm.
3. Is rich.
4. A good listener.
5. He is clever.
6. Well trained.
7. Dresses well.
8. Good Manners.
9. Comes with pleasant Surprises.
10. An imaginative, romantic lover.

My imagination with 30:
1. Looks good (as far as possible of hair on the head).
2. Opens doors for me.
3. Has enough money to pay for a good dinner.
4. Listens more than he speaks of it himself.
5. Laughs at my jokes.
6. Can carry the shopping home.
7. Owns at least one tie.
8. Good self-estimates of cooked food.
9. Remember important birthdays and anniversaries.
10. At least times a week and romantic.

My idea with 40:
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK).
2. Does not rather, as I sit in the car.
3. Has regular work – out every now and then a meal in the Restaurant.
4. When I talk to him, he nods, mostly in the right Places.
5. Remembers mostly the jokes when he tells a joke.
6. Is trained to furniture to change.
7. Attracts shirts that cover even the belly.
8. Buy champagne with screw-cap.
9. Remember to fold the toilet seat down.
10. Shaves on most weekends.

My idea of a 50:
1. Maintains ears and nose hair.
2. Burps and doesn’t scratch himself in Public.
3. Money does not lend itself to often.
4. Don’t fall asleep when I tell him important matters.
5. ‘t told too often the same joke.
6. Sufficiently trained, to rise to the weekends from the Sofa.
7. Use matching socks and fresh underwear.
8. Good food is estimated.
9. Mainly remember my name.
10. Shaved at least some weekends.

My idea with 60:
1. Frighten any small children.
2. Remember where the toilet is.
3. Is not too expensive in maintenance.
4. Is snoring quietly while you Sleep.
5. Remember most of it, what he’s laughing.
6. Sufficiently trained to stand on their own.
7. Usually wears clothing.
8. Easy to chewing food Mag.
9. Remember where he put his teeth down.
10. Remember that it’s the weekend.

My idea with 70:
1. Breathes
2. Used independently of the toilet.

Well, it’s just as well that the women are so flexible …

it has the following spells as a standard:

1. Are You sure You’ve had enough to drink?
2. That was a great fart! Make one!
3. I’ve decided to wear it in the house any more clothes.
4. I’m going to repaint outside of the house.
5. You should now with Your Young`s in the pub to be?
6. I know this is a little close in the back. Would You try it yet again?
7. You’re so sexy when You’re drunk.
8. I understand completely, next year I’m re-birthday. You can go with the Young`s to the stadium.
9. I’m bored. Let’s get my Pussy shaved.
10. Listen, I make enough. Why don’t You work on and improve Your Handicap?
11. Honey, the cute neighbor’s daughter basks again. You have to see!
12. No, no, no. I take the car just to do an oil change.
13. What do You say We get us a good porn film, and a case of beer and I’ll call the Sabine for a Threesome.
14. Do me a Favor: Forget the Valentine’s day and buy You prefer to have a permanent ticket for the football stadium.
15. I signed up for a yoga class, so I could get my leg better behind the head.

Survival training for wedding guests

At the table, it is recommended to eat with a knife, so you can scrape with a fork on the head.
Someone should get sticky fingers, so he may dip it in the wine glass of his neighbours.
Bone, etc., is confidently on the edge of the plate to the other, in order to have a seat on his own plate.
Should sneeze it as loud as possible over the table, giving everyone good luck, good health.
The soup slurps as noisily as possible, so that the host is listening, how good she tastes.
The debate is most noticeable when talking with your mouth full.
Full glasses are meant to be knocked over.
During the panel, you caress foreign ladies with fat fingers, and lick you in advance.
The hands to slide unobtrusively on the table-cloth, so that one has the napkins for any remains free.

Weather reports

The forecast for Saturday, … (wedding date)
In the course of the day [Name of husband] will reach the Deep [Name of wife]. In the following hours, it comes to the formation of a highly stable, joint Front, will last a lifetime. This is for strong turbulence, particularly in the area [province/territory], which will reach its maximum intensity around [time]. The pleasure shiver-probability is approximately 300% and it is expected that outbreaks with unexpected Feeling.

Während der Mittagsstunden sind vor allem Herz und Kreislauf stark belastet. Besonders auffällig könnten in dieser Zeit die Mütter auf starken Druck der Tränendrüse reagieren. Bei steigenden Ozonwerten und verstärktem Genuss von hydroxylierten Äthanen besteht akute Kopfschmerzgefahr!

Weitere Aussichten
Nach dieser eintägigen Hoch-Zeit manifestiert sich ein ungemein starkes [Nachname der Eheleute]-Hoch, das in den nächsten Jahrzehnten für eine beständige Schönwetterlage sorgt. Lokale Ehegewitter treten höchst selten auf und sorgen für Abkühlung bei so manch örtlichen Überhitzungen! So manche stürmische Nacht könnte allerdings bewirken, dass nach ca. 9 Monaten ein kleines “Schätzchen” das Licht der Welt erblickt. Das Temperament jenes welches lässt sich jedoch bei diesen Eltern nicht vorhersagen.

At noon today a strong lay Ripe for the fingers of the young couple.
A rain of happiness followed by your choice.

Weather forecast for marriage

Follows the man to his wife,
is the sky………………………………………… clear and blue.
He is a day to indulge just a heater,
it is still………………………………………………………partly cloudy.
Oh, that it forever remains,
otherwise, the sky will be…………………………………………cloudy.
Contrary to the man, he is not daring,
then there is sure to be…………………………Rain.
For the female’s error is blind,
he must be, otherwise there is…………………………………..Wind.
And reluctant he is to your Plan,
then follows a…………………………………………………..Hurricane.
Is this to him and the too high in price,
then there truly is……………………………..Snow and ice.
Honors the women of the drum as gods
, and you have always………………………………..beautiful weather!

Parents pleasures

Half laughing, half crying, as you sit at the table,
the Pride on the children is mixed with sadness.
You umhütet, you have cared for,
now comes someone else and get them to continue.
But think of the youth,
then, is defined in thoughts immediately have Your views.
Looks to be at the front, then you see,
the children are always “your” children.
Until the day where child baptism
, then, did you, such as your children, the grandchildren love.


Company Stork GmbH
In Seventh Heaven
66666 Clouds

Order form (Please use only these forms)
, Hereby order … and … and binding without the right of return in accordance with the applicable civil code as described below offspring.
(Please check from our extensive range, the article of your choice.)

Piece number: ____

Name(n): _____________________________

Gender: O male O female O Surprise

Hair color: O blonde O black O brown

Weight: O-gram O Kilo O tons of ____ (here enter number)

Size: O cm O dm O m ____ (here enter number)

Character: O O overexcited hippelig O cocky

Delivery: O free O UPS shipping

OFFER OF THE MONTH!!!!!! O Take 2, number 1 O Take 5, then 2 are free

Delivery date: we know that due to the high quality standards of your company the earliest possible delivery date is nine months from the time the order is located.

_________________________ __________________________
Name Wife Name Husband


1 kg of flour and
1 kg of sugar
, vanilla sugar,
rum flavor
baking powder,
love beads, etc.
of baking paper
Additionally required Material:
mixing bowl,

Work steps:

First of all, women do think about the precise structure of the perfect man. For a sense of humor and loving, the perfect husband, you need the whole of the prepared sugar for a normal sense of humor and loving a result, the half enough. The perfect man should smell permanently well, we recommend the use of the kit attached, vanilla sugar, you want to scent variations, you should drop also adds optional beige.
For the determination of the external appearance, the following steps are to be observed: For an extremely muscular appearance, the use of the maximum amount of the attached recommended dry yeast plus the entire accompanying baking powder. For a sporty, muscular appearance, the maximum amount of dry yeast plus, it is suggested half of the entire baking powder. For a normal appearance with light toning the maximum amount of dry yeast plus, it is proposed a package of accompanying baking powder.
The flexibility of the perfect man is determined by the number of attached eggs. All the eggs a maximum of flexibility and the use of fewer eggs results in the use of lower flexibility.
To achieve the desired binding as long as the water in the overall mixture is to add, until it results in a homogeneous mass, which is easy to remove from the use bowl. To the extent that the eggs to the flexibility provision is in addition to be attached to each with a tablespoon of water, for the use of all eggs, no additional water for each Egg that is dropped, an additional spoon of water.
Hair and skin color of the perfect man in time resulting from the applicable back at about 180 ° on the middle rack of the oven. The rule of thumb, the longer the dark.
You take all of the ingredients according to the above basic conditions and stir to form a homogeneous dough. These one point to go to a warm place. Depending on the time the dough, overall, is obtained here, the outer circumference of the perfect man.
After the dough is gone, forme to get out of this on a baking paper-lined baking sheet the basic shape and decorate with the help of the diameter, i.e., it defines the base of the hair, the mouth shape, nose shape, etc. With the help of the attached raisins and love beads, the size, color and shape of the eyes is determined. With the help of the accompanying condoms the size and shape of the external male sex is determined characteristics. Then bake this Form, and then…

* In accordance with our General terms and conditions of this kit is excluded from subsequent return or exchange. Despite proper application, it can not come from the manufacturer is responsible for the deviations from the desired final result. As a result of the extensive application of alternatives is no longer on the basis of the final result to determine whether the kit is properly and exclusively subject to the application of the steps used, the manufacturer of all liability claims from the outset.


Who cheats is a pig.
Who goes several times a stranger, a pig, a sea.
Anyone who is continuously foreign, is a wild pig.
Who’s talking about is a pig.
Who can catch, is a stupid pig.
Who is not caught, lucky pig.
Who reveals himself, is a son of a bitch.
Who impregnates Cheating the wife of pig breeding.
Who has only one, is a piggy Bank.
Who has not, is a poor pig.
Who is unshaven foreign, is a porcupine.
Who’s not a stranger, is a lazy pig.
Who is the pig a Battle.
Who sits at home all day, is a pig House.
Who sucks on a strange chest, is a warthog.
Who can several times a is a pig, a Super.

Sample texts for a wedding newspaper ❤ templates to Install


The educational institution for husbands are known: What should have STUDIED to be a man, to be a good husband?

JURA, to realize that his wife is always right.
PHILOSOPHY, to understand the logic of his wife.
MATHEMATICS, in order to know what his wife is unpredictable.
THEOLOGY, in order to find a curtain sermon edifying.
ALGEBRA, to know when his wife wants him to be a X for a Y fool.
MINING the hidden reasons for your heart to explore!
DENTISTRY because his wife shows him to the teeth.
ARCHITECTURE, for everything is always in the right shape.
POETRY, to be able to out of all the inconsistencies are, in essence, a Verse make.
POLICY, in any Constitution life.
MUSIC, to the praise of his wife, in all the colors sing.
The THEATRE, despite all the “funny husband” play.
Plastic technique to construct fragile household items that could possibly serve as projectiles made of plastic.


You have invited us, you’ve asked for –
now there are gifts, GOLD, GOLD, GOLD!
First of all, dance in your honor
about a hundred Golden bears !
The food, which we enjoyed today
, which was perfect! Why have we decided to
you to reduce the cost
and something to give,
because the purse is now slightly narrower.
Here are your two hands have Golden crowns !
Also we have – and we hope that you like it
for tomorrow for a meal together in the
Morning, to lunch, now it’s not abusive,
there is the Golden balls of Rocher
, then, is the Hunger for the first time stilled,
and you will have enough of the sweetness of the mass,
drink some Golden tea from the Cup.

Wishes as sample texts for a wedding newspaper ❤ templates to Install


The Puddle
Fresh in Love……………Bunny see you before, there is a puddle
As an engaged couple………………………..Darling, do you not my feet wet
As a young married couple………….Honey be careful, there comes a puddle
After 5 years of marriage……………Caution wife, not in the puddle occur
After 15 years of marriage,………….My goodness, are you blind or what? Have you not seen the puddle?
The Silver Wedding Anniversary……………It had to happen, a puddle far and wide, and my wife traipse in there!


We wish you all sorts of gifts,
we wish you what most of them have:

We wish you the time for you to be happy and to laugh
And if you use it, you can make something of it.
We wish you the time for Your actions and Your Thinking,
not only for yourself but also for Gifting.
We wish you the time, not to Hasten, and race,
but the time to Satisfied to be.

We wish you the time, not only to Sell;
We wish, you may remain.
As the time for the Amazement and time for the trust,
rather than the time on the clock just to look.
We wish you the time for the stars to attack
And the time to grow, that is to say: in order to Mature.

We wish you a time, to hope, to love;
it has no sense, this is the time to move.
We wish you the time for you to find yourself,
every day, every hour, the luck to experience.
We wish you the time
also to blame forgive;
We wish you
have time to life!

Her love for two!

A three times Higher to have time
on Your young Marriage,
the now, in many years,
only louder Good may know.
We want to be in the family circle,
that each of you two know
how it is – life-time connected –
Partner with skill to be treated.
It does the people as much as he can,
and to the best of our ability at
the heart is the trump card in the game
, and harmony is the highest goal.
So we hope on this day,
the happy voted run like
that in all the time
in true happiness are connected.
So let us now take up the glasses of lift:
“the High-to the bride and groom live!”

Final sample texts for a wedding newspaper ❤ templates to Install

Final words

Now we came to the conclusion
a lot of you have now heard,
here’s what to Tender, what a Loud,
self-Composed and stolen.
Much has happened,
things would be much to say,
so much Cheery and Nice
, sometimes, what is Unpleasant.
We leave it to the Meet
in very large trains.
More is now the life,
times the skin’s go, let’s go’s next to it.
The woman is an Old,
out of the wrinkles is a wrinkle,
the belly is a belly,
because the food tastes good, too.
Older and wiser
, and life always goes on.
So leb’ because, well, You young Couple,
what is your erhoffet will come true.
If you only ahnet, how to sweat,
eh, finally, a thought flashes.
Drum limits Criticize a,
it can be much worse.


We wore some of it here,
what us the imagination,
where the documents,
told the editorial you never.
But we want to tell,
and in part it’s also volbrachte deeds.
We are not a Poet, dear friends,
we don’t have the Muse,
if you have the wrong erssheint,
so ändres you, You do se!


Love the A and O for the compilation and production of this newspaper was. Charity is also on the sides of the free Delivery is very appreciated:
Mild and others (e.g., gravel, fleas, Dough, charcoal, moss, clay, dough, Penunse, toads, Bills, and checks) takes dankbarst contrary to the editorial office.
a) for people in our razor-sharp Humor, cut–, or
b) for people, the competent editors, the mouth sticking to.

Of the forehead hot,
trickling down to us only as the welding.
Cigarettes, coffee and wine
were in the consumption increased,
up to and finally fell off,
because the mind sometimes refuses.
And so was also full of guile
in the rhymes of a ….. Gap.
Because none of us Journalist
and verses make it difficult.
We wanted to make a newspaper
on the you can laugh!

We have this unique magazine (by the way, every copy!) a piece of medical tape attached.

Background information on us as a family or printing can be found at